Waterfalls

Chasing waterfalls
down dream land
where love is romantic,
where the pain is numb
and Paris is a landscape.

Behind the eyes of almost a stranger
I recognized a smile that keeps me on surface.

I might be chasing in vain
but as long as I don't fall-
I can fly.

It's not as surreal as it seems-
we don't look at the ground when we walk-
we look at the sky.
Eyes know what to search for,
they know what matters,
what moves us forward.

Those images of candles,
chocolat,
river Seine,
and the smile I've kept the memory of-
those images-
they're coming near.

There is a power
and behind the power-
a soft and gentle touch of a dream.
A dream that unlocks other dreams-
now I have a new key
to follow,
discover.

How little we need sometimes,
as little as a new smile
to open a new life.

A New Globe

My soul is back inside of me.
Time to heal
Time to trust.
What's been broken,
Stays broken.
What's to break again-
It will.
I open my self again 
I will believe
I will risk.
I'll drive away to sensations,
Islands of dreams and instincts.
After all I haven't been found yet,
I haven't been rescued.

About The Loss of Love

“I feel like my entire body is wide open and people are taking out my organs, playing with my heart.”

When you feel like this it’s hard to explain to people what’s going on with you. You can only hope that they had experienced something similar and they would understand you. But then again, in a moment like that, you believe that nobody has experienced what you have. And probably you’re right. People are unique and people react differently to other people’s vibrations.

What you have had with a loved one, is something that you will never have with anyone else simply because of the uniqueness of human beings and souls. Whether you’re going to have something greater and better with someone else in the future or not, you still don’t know that. And the thought of it being the greatest love that’s gone, is horrific. Here come questions like: “Did I try hard enough?”, “Did I fight for love?”, and if your answers are “No”, what are you supposed to do if it’s too late and how do you know when it’s too late? Are you supposed to let go and move on, or go back to the past, open your feelings again and try harder?

One thing I can say is – nothing that other people say to you is relevant. You are the only person in touch with yourself. Especially when people say: “you will meet someone better.” Really? How do they know? They can’t know that neither can they know whether your lost love wasn’t good enough. If you believe that your love was the greatest, if that’s what you feel, if they changed your life, made you fly, smile, tremble, touch the sky, dream, be happy, then maybe your love was great. If your soul communicated with his/her soul in a deep level, uncontrollable and mystical, if your soul came to life every time your loved one looked at you and it felt like the entire universe was present to the beatings of your heart, then maybe it was the greatest love. Maybe you had lost the love of your life because some people do.

So what happens from now on? Does life go on? Could life go on without love? Or even worse, could life go on with the memories of a lost love?

The Pieces of All My Emotions

Emotions showing up in colors -

I see white, I sense black -

it's when I feel, it's how I know

I'm far away from love.

I've confused the love for him

with the love for love. 

*Sometimes you want to be in love so much

you misinterpret the colors.*

How could I wait for a rescue

when I've left no trace on the way?

I am alone in the room

with the pieces of all my emotions in the air-

they hollow me, surround me.

And I cry

I'll never be found.

Yellow

The clouds are yellow.

The Sun shines in purple,

why would I ever see in black

even through my black shades?

I still keep my nights insomniac

always trying to forget,

trying to remember

those brief captivated moments of vulnerability.

I fell down

and like it wasn’t enough I went beyond down,

 that’s why the sunshine looks so pretty,

it’s not real

as unreal are my memories of your smiles.

Could I rotate the world around,

dive into the Sun as it burns less

than burns my pain for not having you.

A Little Bit of Sadness

I was bleeding out of emotions

Surrounded by laughter,

Hearing only tears.

There is no beginning of a new heart beat –

The last one took all my breath.

The Illusions of My Crashing Pieces

I keep on losing my self in illusions

all in black and white.

I swim in the softness of that cloud

I move between spaces,

keeping my eyes closed.

I have stabbed my heart to give some colour

to my Universe.

My wings drag my body, I won't lose control.

I see you from distance, I still have breath to get to you.

My body crashes into pieces,

each of them has an own wing

they are coming to you.

Darkness starts to prevail

where are you?

I can't go further.

My body is gone

my soul still hopes to reach you.

Feelings

One of the innerly experienced pains is when you care so much about something that people may assume you don’t care at all. Sometimes the strongest a feeling is, the weakest it looks like. And your heart is going to be filled with all that misunderstanding that it seems like it’s about to explode in the air and spread around little pieces of your own self. Then you are not going to feel like yourself anymore. Are you going to try to find and collect all those little pieces of you and be yourself as much as you can again, or are you going to learn how to re-build your self?

Sometimes when you have cried so much people stop paying attention to your tears, taking them as something usual. But tears can’t be plastic. They always come from somewhere and they always mean something. People don’t know when it might be the worst time to turn their backs on you. Nothing is more important than one’s feelings, one’s inner state of being. When someone is down, when someone is miserable, when someone is lonely, when someone is unlucky in love no outer circumstances should surpass the importance of those feelings.

*Be passionate. No matter how much it hurts. It’s the only way to truly know life.*

About Truth

Whoever seeks the truth, is in denial. Truth is always obvious and if you ever need to hear it, it is not because you don't know it (at least unconsciously), but because you need a wake up call to let go of something.Truth is not said, but only felt. Try not to hold on to those desires which make you cling on something or someone, but move on to new opportunities, people, places, dreams.

I can't let go. So I know how easy it sounds, and how hard it is to be done. I am right there. Maybe you will be stronger and you will succeed before me. Maybe I never willl. Maybe you never will. But we can all try without asking questions, hoping, or believing in a misleading truth.

Look for the truth only in people's eyes; don't ask them to pronounce it. People tend to be protective either of their own interests, or of other people's feelings and they would never speak the truth that's hidden in their eyes.

I have always denied questoning, considering it foolish and unwise, but I found myself in this position once. Shall I call it desperation or loneliness, I don't know. Did questioning help me? It didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. Did it help me move on a little bit easier? (as sometimes we need to hear it, to realize it). I can't state that. I guess time will show and it is a different lesson and experience for everybody.

Trust your own reason for the right thing, but be more sensitive to the little signs that unvail the big dilemmas. And remember: you can never blame someone else for your own feelings – they belong to you; nobody can hurt you because nobody is responsible for what you feel.

More Thoughts on Love

One of the most difficult parts in love is actually spotting the difference between true affection and fix idea. Let’s say, for instance, you start liking someone; that someone shows interest and gives you hope. You spend some moments together and you start to believe it is something real. The more signs the other person gives you, the more you agitate yourself into it. Can you say that your fondness towards them is growing, or has it become your fix idea to get together with that someone?

We often delude ourselves when it comes to relationships and feelings. Not even a highly self – awared individual can state with a 100% conviction that they know the core of their emotions. If we believe in the law of attraction (i.e. we get what we want if we deeply and devotedly wish for it), why is it that we don’t always win the one we are in love with? Is it possible that we are not really in love with them, or has our love turned into obsession?

Should we keep our hope and faith, or drop them if they are getting too strong? A huge concentration on someone might distance them from us; and from the other side, if we don’t believe we can be with the person we love, how will we?

We can’t be refined when it comes to emotions. We can’t choose the amount of likeness we are going to experience. If it is overflowing so much that it stops us from being with the one we like, there is nothing we can do, is there?’

Questions on Love

Why is it that we always end up the ones to pursue love? Why would we fight for someone who needs to be pursued? If things don't flow, they are not meant to be. If we have to work on it, then something isn't right. But there, on the other side, your heart is telling you it is actually right. It feels right - makes you smile, hurts you, etc.
I can't help but wonder - if you fight for someone, doesn't that mean that you walk against nature? Doesn't that mean that you are pushing someone towards something they don't know whether they want it? And then, if you just stand there and wait for them to come to you, wouldn't you feel like you don't love them enough? If fighting means disrespecting the other person' wishes, and waiting means a lack of strong emotions, what is there to be done?

The Power of The Moment

You can have your dreams about your future, but keep them aside from the present moment. The one moment you live in. Don't let anything distract you from enjoying it. Nothing matters more than this day. If you put all your energy into this present moment you will see a whole new horizon of beauty.

Even something simple like watching people talking to each other can give you a complete fulfillment. You will then start thinking how beautiful those people look and if you do know those people, you can think of all their qualities and see them in this moment even more beautifully. In the next minute, they might be talking to you, and you, having seen all that beauty, would be already filled with joy. You are going to enjoy the conversation more. You will be there, in that precious moment.

There are times, of course, where in the present moment is happening something not so good for you. You may want to escape, you may regret being there, in this particular situation. You don't have to enjoy the moment if it is not bringing you good, but still participate in it. Be there. Accept whatever is happening and you will think about fixing it later. Everything is fixable, and it will turn out good for you at the end. Whatsoever is to come – go deeply, with full consciousness in it. Live it. Survive it and you will become stronger and wiser.

Non - judgement

Another of the essentials in life is to remain non – judgmental. Not only towards people, but also towards things. Be open and let yourself be introduced to things. Don't expect anything. Let it happen in front of you and then you can decide whether you like it or not. Then you can give your opinion away. Don't ever do it before having seen, having known, having understood.


Accept people the way they are. Whatever they do is their decision. They have had their reasons to make that decision. You, on the other side, have no reason to judge other people's decisions.

They chose to do what they did because they believed it would make them happy. Feel their happiness instead of judging them.

A single thing can be happy for some and bitter for others. There is no way everybody can be content with the consequences. What can everybody learn though, is accept. One sad thing for you can be the happiest thing for someone else. If you can sacrifice a little piece of your heart for others, they you will feel happy for them nevertheless your own bitterness. Don't create anger in yourself.

Instead do both – good to others and good to yourself. Why would you let your soul live in anger when it can grow in peace?

People are people. They make mistakes. Keep your thoughts on them peaceful and non – judgmental. Let things and people be free, and that's the only way you are going to be free from all prejudices.

Thoughts on Love

Emotions. Dreams. Illusions. Love and disappointments. I have been thinking, observing, experiencing so much that I decided to start writing down my insights.


Can you do both – believe in Fate and believe that you create your own reality? What is reality – are dreams part of it? If you love someone does that mean that you should settle for everything the other person asks you for? And if you really, really love someone, can they disappoint you? Isn't love greater than that?

Those are some of the questions I have always been asking myself about and I am going to find answers on them. Right here, together with you.

I can't help but start with love. I would never define it. “To define is to limit” had said by Oscar Wilde who I absolutely adore. What I intent to do is share some of my visions of love based on all I have felt, all I have seen, all my heart trusts in.

Love makes you smile. It never makes you cry. No matter how cliché it sounds it is the truth. Nobody can hurt you because if you love someone, you would understand everything the other person does. If that thing isn't good for you – be happy. It means that they did it for themselves and that thing made them happier. If you love them you will be happy for their happiness.

Don't ever get angry neither jealous. If someone cheats on you (although I very much dislike this word) – think about them, not about yourself. They had experienced pleasure, they had had a good time. Be happy for them. Forgive them. From this point on, it is up to you and your own perceptions to decide if you want to continue your relationship with them or not. I know I would because my love is stronger than anything else. I wouldn't risk not seeing the person I love even if they are not a 100% committed to me. I would accept whatever I can get. Little can be so much.

If they “cheated” on you, it doesn't have to mean that they don't love you. Listen to them. Talk to them. If it was just a physical attraction, why would that come on the way of your love? Love is superior to all physical. If it wasn't only physical, if there is also love involved, then great! The person you love is experiencing the most beautiful feeling in the world. Accept it and smile to it. Yes, it is not you they are in love with, but don't be selfish in love. You still need to be thankful to that person for awakening in you emotions of love. Don't stop loving that person.

You don't have to agree with me. I see things in this way but it doesn't mean that I want everybody to see them in the exact same way. I am only suggesting different conceptions about love. Those who find these conceptions acceptable may find new ways to see the world through, others may reject them and keep on living the life they have chosen to lead. I am sure whichever path you have chosen to walk – it is the right path for you.

Another matter on the love subject – the person you love can never change. If you truly love them in their true recognition, you will always be able to see beyond visible, beyond certain behaviour.

Love inspires. It never puts you down. Love gives freedom more than anything else. The more you love, the freer you will get. Love that limits oneself, love that gives you orders or puts conditions – is not love.

If you fall in love with someone who doesn't love you back – be grateful. He or she had given you the biggest gift out there – they made you love! You can't be really sad, can you? Even the opposite – you should keep this love for them in your heart forever. They had given you beautiful emotions, why would you want to forget them or try to escape from them? This love was there once. Yes, it didn't actually become what you were hoping for, but it was love – love itself is huge enough and by all means you should try to keep it in yourself. The moment you drop all your expectations from people, you start feeling free and happy. When you appreciate every single tremble of your body that comes from joy, when the thought of someone makes you smile, when the existence of that someone inspires you to go further in life – what else matters? You can feel all those wonderful feelings without the need to be with that person. The simple existence of someone's mere personality can give you more happiness than you can imagine. Only if you allow it to happen. Only if you open your mind.

You may not share my observations and I understand that. I believe that you yourself can find your own ways to love. I only wish you to be always happy about love. Don't let any negative emotions prevent you from smiling.

Try to rise in love after you have fallen in love. Rising in love gives you all of the written above. It is loving beyond all external facts. It is being thankful to that person who arises in you such emotions.

I have been mainly talking about unrewarded love. Nevertheless, with no doubt I believe that sometimes the person you love can love you back. If you had managed to end up being with your soul mate, you must thank the Universe for rearranging itself in such a way, you must thank yourself for wanting it to happen that much that it indeed happened.

Seeing the one you love once in half an year gives you an incredible joy. Seeing the one you love once in 3 months gives you meaning to everything. Seeing the one you love once in a month makes you breathe. Now, imagine what a bliss it is to see them every day. I am not capable of describing it. One needs to go through it to understand it.

Love makes you fly. It unlocks your imagination, your talents. There is no other way for love to grow except in belief. Unconditionally you have to believe in the person you love, but you shouldn't force yourself into believing in them. If it doesn't come naturally - don't force it, don't fake it. Most likely that belief will gradually grow in yourself. So be patient and wait for it. The person who loves you has to believe in you as well. Give them time. Don't give them reasons to believe in you. Love doesn't need reasons. Don't try to prove your skills. Just let it go, let it go by itself. If the love is true, then it is going to come one day for sure.

Patience is another essential ingredient of love. Don't expect everything to happen right now, in this moment. Love needs time to nurture. Don't try to push it. Let it free.

The most important thing remains preventing yourself from becoming jealous. If you let jealousy live in yourself, you are destroying not only your love but also your whole being, your whole soul. Once you let it control you, you can very hardly take it out of yourself. So don't make your life more complicated. Don't allow any negativity come on your way.

There are so many things to be said. I have been thinking about the meaning of love since I was 8. New things occur to me every second every day. May be I am completely wrong about everything. May be love is something else. I don't know that for sure and nobody does. No matter our perceptions of love though, there is one single thing that everybody in love needs to do – stay in love. Give all you can give just to stay in love. Try everything you can to be with the person you love. Nothing in your life is more important than that. Dream strongly, believe in love, know that it is there and know that you will be with the person you want to be with. Don't doubt it. The power of love has no limits and everything is possible.

I hope you find love. I hope you are in love at the moment. I hope you rise in love. Be dreamy, inspired and smiling. Be grateful and free. No matter the way you see love, no matter the way you express love – just LOVE.