The Pieces of All My Emotions

Emotions showing up in colors -

I see white, I sense black -

it's when I feel, it's how I know

I'm far away from love.

I've confused the love for him

with the love for love. 

*Sometimes you want to be in love so much

you misinterpret the colors.*

How could I wait for a rescue

when I've left no trace on the way?

I am alone in the room

with the pieces of all my emotions in the air-

they hollow me, surround me.

And I cry

I'll never be found.

Yellow

The clouds are yellow.

The Sun shines in purple,

why would I ever see in black

even through my black shades?

I still keep my nights insomniac

always trying to forget,

trying to remember

those brief captivated moments of vulnerability.

I fell down

and like it wasn’t enough I went beyond down,

 that’s why the sunshine looks so pretty,

it’s not real

as unreal are my memories of your smiles.

Could I rotate the world around,

dive into the Sun as it burns less

than burns my pain for not having you.

A Little Bit of Sadness

I was bleeding out of emotions

Surrounded by laughter,

Hearing only tears.

There is no beginning of a new heart beat –

The last one took all my breath.

The Illusions of My Crashing Pieces

I keep on losing my self in illusions

all in black and white.

I swim in the softness of that cloud

I move between spaces,

keeping my eyes closed.

I have stabbed my heart to give some colour

to my Universe.

My wings drag my body, I won't lose control.

I see you from distance, I still have breath to get to you.

My body crashes into pieces,

each of them has an own wing

they are coming to you.

Darkness starts to prevail

where are you?

I can't go further.

My body is gone

my soul still hopes to reach you.

Feelings

One of the innerly experienced pains is when you care so much about something that people may assume you don’t care at all. Sometimes the strongest a feeling is, the weakest it looks like. And your heart is going to be filled with all that misunderstanding that it seems like it’s about to explode in the air and spread around little pieces of your own self. Then you are not going to feel like yourself anymore. Are you going to try to find and collect all those little pieces of you and be yourself as much as you can again, or are you going to learn how to re-build your self?

Sometimes when you have cried so much people stop paying attention to your tears, taking them as something usual. But tears can’t be plastic. They always come from somewhere and they always mean something. People don’t know when it might be the worst time to turn their backs on you. Nothing is more important than one’s feelings, one’s inner state of being. When someone is down, when someone is miserable, when someone is lonely, when someone is unlucky in love no outer circumstances should surpass the importance of those feelings.

*Be passionate. No matter how much it hurts. It’s the only way to truly know life.*

About Truth

Whoever seeks the truth, is in denial. Truth is always obvious and if you ever need to hear it, it is not because you don't know it (at least unconsciously), but because you need a wake up call to let go of something.Truth is not said, but only felt. Try not to hold on to those desires which make you cling on something or someone, but move on to new opportunities, people, places, dreams.

I can't let go. So I know how easy it sounds, and how hard it is to be done. I am right there. Maybe you will be stronger and you will succeed before me. Maybe I never willl. Maybe you never will. But we can all try without asking questions, hoping, or believing in a misleading truth.

Look for the truth only in people's eyes; don't ask them to pronounce it. People tend to be protective either of their own interests, or of other people's feelings and they would never speak the truth that's hidden in their eyes.

I have always denied questoning, considering it foolish and unwise, but I found myself in this position once. Shall I call it desperation or loneliness, I don't know. Did questioning help me? It didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. Did it help me move on a little bit easier? (as sometimes we need to hear it, to realize it). I can't state that. I guess time will show and it is a different lesson and experience for everybody.

Trust your own reason for the right thing, but be more sensitive to the little signs that unvail the big dilemmas. And remember: you can never blame someone else for your own feelings – they belong to you; nobody can hurt you because nobody is responsible for what you feel.

More Thoughts on Love

One of the most difficult parts in love is actually spotting the difference between true affection and fix idea. Let’s say, for instance, you start liking someone; that someone shows interest and gives you hope. You spend some moments together and you start to believe it is something real. The more signs the other person gives you, the more you agitate yourself into it. Can you say that your fondness towards them is growing, or has it become your fix idea to get together with that someone?

We often delude ourselves when it comes to relationships and feelings. Not even a highly self – awared individual can state with a 100% conviction that they know the core of their emotions. If we believe in the law of attraction (i.e. we get what we want if we deeply and devotedly wish for it), why is it that we don’t always win the one we are in love with? Is it possible that we are not really in love with them, or has our love turned into obsession?

Should we keep our hope and faith, or drop them if they are getting too strong? A huge concentration on someone might distance them from us; and from the other side, if we don’t believe we can be with the person we love, how will we?

We can’t be refined when it comes to emotions. We can’t choose the amount of likeness we are going to experience. If it is overflowing so much that it stops us from being with the one we like, there is nothing we can do, is there?’